The Gottman Institute have studied thousands of couples over four decades and gathered some amazing facts. This is the link to just one of their many blogs. The Four Horseman is a description of the negative traits that can lead to a couple into a negative feedback loop. They are Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. Once we are in this negative feedback loop it’s hard to get out but fortunately they have also identified the antidotes to each of these negative traits.
Whilst I hope you enjoy this blog I also want you to know for some that are really stuck in this negative feedback loop it will take a real effort and perhaps even relationship counselling to turn that behaviour into a positive feedback loop. Why? Because the positive feedback loop requires a sense of trust and safety in the relationship in order for us to be vulnerable and share with each other our deepest wants and needs (and worries). That is the glue that bonds couples together. For more information on this key aspect please contact me to schedule a chat about where you are at and what sort of support you might find helpful.